A very one sided review of “The Golden Compass” and other goodies.

Well it’s been awhile since I’ve watched a movie in a cinema, so i thought to myself what the hey lets splurge some money and go watch a movie with a friend, its a Friday night anyways.

Now i pride myself on knowing which movies to watch, specifically movies that didn’t suck…… bad. But lo and behold i had to go and pick this atrocity to watch. Now don’t get me wrong this movie is great if your a 6 year old kid with severe ADD and have just had half your brain removed, or just need any old movie so that you can make out with your girlfriend/boyfriend in the dark corner of the cinema.

Hopefully you have read some form of review before deciding on watch this, if not my condolences goes out to you.

Now let me walk you through the steps of disaster this movie took to earn its hate from me.

Step 1: Make a movie which clocks in at a miserly 1hr 50mins at most, about a show that could have easily lasted 3hrs or more, throwing out all explanation which would had tied the story together out the proverbial window.

Step 2: Cut from scene to scene constantly so as to get the viewers lost in the story’s incoherent flow of endless plot points, which don’t make any sense if not properly explained.

Step 3: Throw as much talk about “Arcane concept”, “Dust” and all manner of scientific mambo jumbo, and then don’t explain a lick of it. Leaving the viewer wondering if he/she has missed any of the dialog. Don’t worry folks you didn’t, that’s just how the show was written in an attempt to make you look and feel like an idiot.

Step 4: Have the cinematography sense of an 8 year old retard child. Take for example: in the final show down where all the escaped kids and the guards (they were called something but the name of their troop was too stupid for my brain to register) are shown in a stand off, and just about the time Lyra (the only name i remember) was about to get a beat down Mr Polar bear (can’t remember stupid name) runs in and lays the smack down on nameless cloned guard 1 (is it me or do all of them look the bloody same), but wait heres the punch line, Polar bear runs in from the children’s side of the line, I’ll let the notion settle in………… done settling in good (if not your an idiot and this show right up your ally). Giving the fact that polar bears are the most feared warriors in the world you would think the guards would notice a 1 ton (guesstimation) polar bear charging them ready to maul their bearded faces…………

Step 5: Plot holes, plot holes, plot holes, pepper the whole movie with them for the delightful after taste of crap in your mouth as you leave the cinema. As i have already explained one of them in “Step 4” (but i contribute that to bad cinematography more then actual script writing).
Another one is when Polar bear and Lyra were crossing the bridge made of very thin ice. As polar bear begins to cross the bridge he finds that th ice is too thin to support both their weight at once and lets Lyra crosses ahead of him, upon closer inspection towards the middle of the bridge you will see that Lyra has to thread carefully or risk falling off the bridge, i seriously doubt Mr Polar bear could have gotten across such a narrow bridge. But thats not all to the scene. Now why in the world would you let her cross first only to have her run off while Mr Polar bear runs off to get an airship ride, couldn’t both of them have gone back to the airship to have a relatively safe journey across the bottomless pit fall of doom……….. I seriously doubt anything would have happened to anyone inside the institute during the time it would take them to get to the airship and fly back to their destination. It might even have saved the show from doing the “I am your mother !!!!” bit (If you really want to know what i mean just ask anyone who has seen the show).

There
you have it i am afraid that if i go on any longer about the flaws of the movie my head would implode and I really like living at the moment so I’ll stop now.

Now thats out of the way, on the upside look what i found in Comics Connection that fateful Friday night. Time to strike one more series off my to buy list.

As for today’s haul i got this from Aniplay down at Sunshine Plaza.

Now for the reason i got the fig for. Just simply for Mr Midvalley’s Saxophone.
Heres what it was used for.

Booyah to soft moding !!!!
You know what i might just get another to mod another one of my revoltech.
Wonder how would Rei look like holding a saxophone ???

Have a very 萌萌 day people.

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